I've been at my gym for over a month now and i'm still not over the 'new gym feeling'. It's like an instant paranoia that you get when you join a gym, you think that everybody's looking at you and that you're doing something wrong. Last week I managed to convince myself that I was in the Men's changing rooms?!!?
After running out of the changing rooms and then running back in (once I'd seen the female sign) I decided that things needed to change. I went into the gym and looked around and realised something... Every gym is the same, it has the same people and the same cliques:
...You've got your:
Sted Heads - 90% of them have a bald head, 10% are wearing a cap. According to their vest's they're all members of 'Gold's Gym.' If you can't see them you can hear them, like pigs, grunting. If they aren't in the weights area then they're flexing in the mirror. Avoid.
Unfriendly Gym Hotties - Their gym routines revolve around the treadmill and the free weight's area. They'll run for an hour (without sweating) and then effortlessly throw themselves around the exercise ball, (That silver ball that you've fallen over a couple of times and wondered what the hell it is - your mum probably has one that she doesn't use). Even whilst running and doing press-ups they still find the time to stare at you and judge you. Don't look at them.
Girls Who Eat Their Feelings - The bigger ladies in the gym. The ones you look at and think 'Go on girls,' then you realise that they're drinking a litre of lemonade whilst walking on an incline. They go home and eat two dinners to congratulate themselves for going to the gym... They hate you for not being obese. They are your motivation to keep going.
Girls Who Don't Eat Anything - Usually the ones sprinting on the machines, they constantly look down, seeing how many calories they've burnt. You look at them and think, 'What are you even doing here.' They are the faces you'll remember, because they are always there, every day. You want to tell them to go home/you kind of want to ask them what their secret is. Don't do it.
The Desperate Wannabe's - They've always got a piece of paper in their hand and their iPod in. The paper consists of weights and exercises that they've spent all night researching on bodybuilder.com. They start their sessions off with a Facebook status, 'Off to the gym BOOM #traindirty.' If you don't know this person, then you are this person- Don't be this person.
The Plastics - They're all members of a secret shop which you find out about after you've had a boob job, the 'extra-tight-low-cut-gym-wear' shop. They have a face of makeup and hair extensions in. They float around the weights area, they're not there to lose weight, as they are already know it's easier to get surgery... They are there to hunt men, they slow motion jog and pout on the cross-trainers, their boobs are bigger than the gym balls, their bums are rounder than the dumbbells. Beware of the plastics.
Once you've recognised who these
people are it's easy to find your place, don’t be scared, you are in the ‘Greatest
People You’ll Ever Meet’ category… I’ve officially taken Mean Girls too far.
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