Bit*h Is Back

I'm sorry I don't even know why that's my title, it's not even funny. 

Basically I haven't wrote a blog post since January, I wasn't going to write another but people have actually been asking me when i'm starting again, which must mean one of two things: People hate fitness just as much as I do OR people are laughing at me. ANYWAY, here I am, i'm back and I thought that for my first blog post i'd write about things that have changed since January:

1. I'm single
2. I've put weight on 
3. I've left uni'

One second I need to learn the barrier between a fitness blog and a Bridget Jones Blog. So off the 'Woe Is Me' thing, things have ACTUALLY changed. I'm going to start with the first thing that i've learnt:

LOW FAT FOOD IS WORSE FOR YOU THAN FULL FAT FOOD. *Faints*

So you know when you get that realisation, that you've spent your whole life buying low fat food only to find out that it is WORSE FOR YOU THAN FULL FAT?? All the tears that you've shed over the dinner table whilst your Grandma pours whole milk into your cup of tea. All the running away from full fat produce, just to have it shoved in your face 22 years later that it is actually very good for you and low fat produce is very bad for you?!

If like me you're having a panic attack over the waste of your life AND money then just stay calm whilst I (attempt) to whittle it down for you:

• Saturated fat - The bad word, the 'He who should not be named', kind of thing... Who now can be named, because he is actually GOOD FOR YOU.
• Avocado's, Nuts, Seeds, Eggs, Coconut Oil, Meat, Cheese 
• All of these are 'Naturally Saturated Fats'
• They don't contain all the sh*t that's bad for you, like... Chemicals (?!)

Okay let me break it down even more:

BUTTER vs MARGARINE:

Margarine 

Made from vegetable oils (You know that substance that we drown our food in every single day when we make 'healthy' stir-frys ETC). Well this is a graph of how vegetable oils are made:

Butter:

That block of yellow stuff that we've avoided for years. Well this is how butters made:

1. Milk cow
2. Let cream separate naturally
3. Skim off the cream
4. Shake until it becomes butter

Verdict:

I'm not even explaining the first table, the words sound minging enough 'Pre bleach' 'Winterisation.'  Margarine isn't the only 'low fat' food that undergoes this process, they all do, they're made with vegetable oils and polyunsaturated fats which our bodies simply cannot deal with and in turn end up storing them instead of using them... As a result we are ACCIDENTALLY PUTTING ON WEIGHT (FFS). 

Solution

Start by swapping your vegetable oil for olive oil. OH and Paleo people are claiming that a high fat/low carb diet is the way to lose weight and (dare I say it) 'Bulk up' or 'Tone Up' if you're a lady like me (lol). They reckon that by eating more fats we can train our body to use it as a primary energy source and in turn when we exercise we burn it away. Read this for a simplified version or alternatively just have a look at the picture at the end if you can't be as*ed reading!

So yeah, i'm really sorry for throwing that all upon you, and well, i'm back!

January Blues

January has the potential to be the worst month of the year, it's a month of being broke and starving yourself to death. You drank and ate all of your money away during the festive period and then bought far too many clothes in the sales - Only to then take them home and realise that none of them fit. As a result you are now on a liquid diet and have joined the gym which you will be 'attending every day for the foreseeable future'/maybe until next week.

E.G - The story of EVERYONE'S life. 

OH and to make matters worse, someone out there has decided that January is the perfect month to enforce a SOBER rule, 'DRY JANUARY'.

1. WHY

2. No.

It's a sad state of affairs when you're asking for sponsorship money in aid of your sober month - You know, that oh so charitable life accomplishment of not allowing an alcoholic beverage pass your lips for one whole month? If this is an achievement for you then i'm guessing that you should be spending your time elsewhere, focusing on this problem, rather than putting your efforts into getting sponsorship money. 

*Cries in pity at society* 

So if you hadn't guessed i'm currently angered at January, i'm distressed that the only thing our society can do for charity is halter their alcoholism and i'm also distressed at having to eat 'diet' food. Because of this i've decided to make healthy versions of my not so healthy favourite meals:

Tortilla Pizza

Ingredients

• 1x Tortilla wrap (They even do wholegrain wraps now).
• Tube of tomato puree (You can get all flavours of tomato puree- Think herb/garlic etc).
• Tomatoes
• Mozzarella (Or your preferred healthy cheese)
• Toppings of your choice.

Method

1. Pre-heat oven to 190 degrees.

2. Mix up your tomato puree and tomato's.

3. Spread the mixture over a tortilla wrap

4. Add your toppings of choice - I had mushrooms, red onion and a few slices of pepperoni. 

5. Sprinkle over your cheese. 

6. Pop in oven for 10-15 minutes or until the cheese is melted and the wrap looks crispy!

7. Dress it with your favourite salad!

Don't let your diet ruin your life! This pizza tastes just like a normal thin crust pizza and has less than half the calories.

"New Year New Me"

So here I am, back from the dead/3rd Year of Uni... And what better time to come back to my 'fitness' blog than during the 'NEW YEAR NEW ME' season. For the past week Facebook/Twitter has been littered with status' informing us of people's new life decisions; my favourite ones have generally been relating to ex boyfriends, '2013 SAW ME GET RID OF MY CHEATING PATHETIC EX BOYFRIEND CAN'T WAIT TO ENTER 2014 WITHOUT HIM, FRESH SINGLE START' - Lol, so tragic. However for this context I'm going to focus on the fitness related life changing status'.

I know that every year I laugh in the face of the people who set themselves challenges, however this year I've decided to embrace them. Basically I saw this photo of Olympic Medalist Louis Smith and it made me think:

Firstly - Oh my God Louis how has this happened to you, you used to be such a hunk (If you're reading this - I still love you and my contact details are on the right hand side). But secondly it shows that celebrities (even Olympians) are real people, we spend so much time believing that their bodies are inhumane and that they must have some kind of super training (surgery), when in reality they are just working hard whilst we are sat on our arses reading magazines about them working hard. 

*Weeps into the Daily Fail Mail* 

Although this example isn't showing you an amazing body transformation, e.g Vicky from Geordie Shore... It's showing you that bodies can be changed, YES we've all eaten too many mince pies/champagne/yule log/pigs in blankets/stuffing/ferror rochers/I could go on...BUT we need to realise that this doesn't mean that we are destined for obesity, so WHAT if you've put a pound on over Christmas, set yourself a challenge to lose the pound. Once you've lost one pound you'll realise how easy it is to lose another. 

For those of you who are in a pickle about how to actually lose weight, start with the Nike Training App. It's full of workouts to guide you through the gym from quick workouts to interval and weight training. Start with that then come back to me when i'll  (hopefully) by then have many more ways for you to lose weight/tone up.

And before you start thinking it's impossible, please just remember that we've all go to start from somewhere: